the day before back to work for dad

Later this evening, Zoe will be 10 days old. Mom and I are enjoying this last day of my "birth vacation" together. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, which seems a bit surreal, but there are just things you gotta do in life. I keep telling myself that I have the perfect job as a teacher to be a parent. I am usually home a few minutes after 3 p.m. every day and I have summer off (of course), but also 10-12 days off for christmas, etc. So I am thinking that this monday will suck, but that it will get easier with each day and especially since I have some time off in March and Easter break to look forward to in the near future. I have a "brag book" full of pictures to take tomorrow to school to show my fellow teachers, but I don't think I'll be able to look at them this week. I even have 2 empty picture frames on my desk that will probably stay that way, at least for a week until I can look at her picture without tearing up when I am away from her. Wish me luck tomorrow! Oh yeah, tomorrow we take Zoe back to the doctor's for a check up and to see how much weight she has put back on since she is supposed to get back to her birth weight within 2 weeks. She has been eating like crazy, so that shouldn't be a problem for her. Ok, enjoy some new pictures.

K.

day six

It's hard to believe that Zoe will be a week old tomorrow evening. I guess I finally understand the whole "kids grow up so fast" thing. That post from 2 days ago wore me out a bit, so I didn't post yesterday. Mom and Zoe are both napping now, so I thought I would get some more pictures on here and make a short post.

Things are going well from with Zoe from roughly morning til midnight. She gets breatfed and she sleeps (in two different bassinets) just fine. After her 9pm (or there abouts) feeding, Jen goes to bed to bank some sleep and I stay up with her in the living room. When Jen wakes up to feed her around 11:30-12, she eats and then gets really fussy and won't sleep in the bassinet, but will be quiet if she lays on my chest or if Jen holds her. It makes for some sleepless nights, but that appears to be about the norm for this point and hopefully it will continue to get better. I am preparing to just be tired my first month or so back at school. Ok, here are some more pictures from day 2 while still at the hospital and teh last one is the first picture of Mom and Zoe at home. More to follow.

Zoe sleeping in the hospital bassinet or "the tub" as I called it.

One of my favorite pictures so far because she in grasping my finger and you can see my wedding ring.

Dad & Zoe

Mom & Zoe at home.

two becomes three

Well, here we are on Zoe's 4th day on the planet. Mom and Zoe are both sleeping now, so I thought I would take this time to upload and edit pictures and finally create the first post that actually features a picture of Zoe.

Everyone that visits this blog has already heard the story of Zoe's birth on Thursday 01/19/06, 3 weeks and 1 day before her due date of February 10th by emergency c-section. So therefore I am not going to go through the whole thing here because it would be really long, but I do want to write about one moment that makes me well up whenever I even think about it.

Jen was in the O.R. getting the spinal and I was waiting outside in full scrubs, waiting for the ok to go inside. My head was already spinning with the words "emergency c-section" and "alert the NICU" ( NeoNatal Intensive care Unit) as I was pacing about the hallway. I was very very anxious and I was trying to stay calm as much as I could. I didn't want Jen to see me too freaked out. Then a nurse waved me to the door, only to stop me just as I was about to enter. The nurse now said I couldn't go in and I knew there was a problem. a little later the nurse said the spinal went up into her chest and she was having trouble breathing, so they had to completely knock her out. I was not allowed to go in at all now, so I had to wait in a chair in the hallway out the the O.R. rooms. I felt like I my world was slowly closing in on me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I figited with Jen's wedding band that I had on one of her ponytail bands wrapped on my wrist. I felt horrible and useless and more afraid than I have ever felt in my life. Most of the nurses and support people that came and went out of the room would not even make eye contact with me. The moment I will never forget is a nurse came out and looked at me and came right over and said "Your baby is coming out soon and I am going to be there to catch her. Your wife is going to be ok and your baby is going to be ok. Just hang in there" and then she hugged me and went back in. That helped me focus and I calmed down a bit and just sat and waited. About 15 minutes after that, I could hear a baby crying and they told me she was a girl and appeared healthy and that she would probably be going to the regular nursery and not the NICU which in fact turned out to be the case. I will never forget what that nurse said to me. I realized later that, for me this felt like the end of the world, for her it was probably just an avergae Thursday night at work. Another 15 minutes and I got to meet my daughter face to face. I picked up her and she stopped crying. The nurse said that was the first she stopped crying since being born. I couldn't belive how beautiful and tiny she looked. She had a normal shaped head - not those squashed and torpedo shaped ones I had been seeing on the discovery health channel! 2 hours after she was born, Jen finally got to meet her daughter and we started our life as a family together.

See there, I lied. I said it wasn't going to be long post and it was. I will post again tomorrow with new pictures and accounts of days two and onward. Until then, behold the face of joy.