Monday, January 23, 2006

two becomes three

Well, here we are on Zoe's 4th day on the planet. Mom and Zoe are both sleeping now, so I thought I would take this time to upload and edit pictures and finally create the first post that actually features a picture of Zoe.


Everyone that visits this blog has already heard the story of Zoe's birth on Thursday 01/19/06, 3 weeks and 1 day before her due date of February 10th by emergency c-section. So therefore I am not going to go through the whole thing here because it would be really long, but I do want to write about one moment that makes me well up whenever I even think about it.


Jen was in the O.R. getting the spinal and I was waiting outside in full scrubs, waiting for the ok to go inside. My head was already spinning with the words "emergency c-section" and "alert the NICU" ( NeoNatal Intensive care Unit) as I was pacing about the hallway. I was very very anxious and I was trying to stay calm as much as I could. I didn't want Jen to see me too freaked out. Then a nurse waved me to the door, only to stop me just as I was about to enter. The nurse now said I couldn't go in and I knew there was a problem. a little later the nurse said the spinal went up into her chest and she was having trouble breathing, so they had to completely knock her out. I was not allowed to go in at all now, so I had to wait in a chair in the hallway out the the O.R. rooms. I felt like I my world was slowly closing in on me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I figited with Jen's wedding band that I had on one of her ponytail bands wrapped on my wrist. I felt horrible and useless and more afraid than I have ever felt in my life. Most of the nurses and support people that came and went out of the room would not even make eye contact with me. The moment I will never forget is a nurse came out and looked at me and came right over and said "Your baby is coming out soon and I am going to be there to catch her. Your wife is going to be ok and your baby is going to be ok. Just hang in there" and then she hugged me and went back in. That helped me focus and I calmed down a bit and just sat and waited. About 15 minutes after that, I could hear a baby crying and they told me she was a girl and appeared healthy and that she would probably be going to the regular nursery and not the NICU which in fact turned out to be the case. I will never forget what that nurse said to me. I realized later that, for me this felt like the end of the world, for her it was probably just an avergae Thursday night at work. Another 15 minutes and I got to meet my daughter face to face. I picked up her and she stopped crying. The nurse said that was the first she stopped crying since being born. I couldn't belive how beautiful and tiny she looked. She had a normal shaped head - not those squashed and torpedo shaped ones I had been seeing on the discovery health channel! 2 hours after she was born, Jen finally got to meet her daughter and we started our life as a family together.


See there, I lied. I said it wasn't going to be long post and it was. I will post again tomorrow with new pictures and accounts of days two and onward. Until then, behold the face of joy.



2 comments:

SOLANGE said...

She's beautiful!!!!! Enjoy every minute with her! Hope Jenny feels somewhat better by now...
Thinking about you!

Solange
Chris wishes the three of you good luck and lots of love, from Afganistan.

Alicia Shoop said...

WOW! She is a doll! I can't wait to meet my new niece. And that story put tears in my eyes. I know what it's like to be in a hospital with the one you love and not know what is going to happen next! I love you guys! Alicia